In Her Words: Ebonee Monique on "Suicide Diaries"

"I wrote suicide diaries because I'd experienced the pain of suicide and needed an outlet to grieve while learning to move on." ~ Ebonee Monique

PRELUDE
Have you ever aimlessly searched a crowd of faces? Investigating green, blue and brown eyes for some sort of familiarity? Maybe you’ve studied the physical attributes and hairstyles of someone, hoping that a make-over could’ve altered the looks of the person you’re searching for. My eyes dart from wide noses, small noses, big hands, little hands, freckles and moles-all while trying to find an ounce of reason to believe that this person, at that very moment, could be the one to end my search. But it never ends. For some reason, the heart has a tendency to embrace the truth long after the mind has.

Do you know what it feels like to stand in a room full of people and only be able to run one name, one voice and once face through your mind? It’s beyond the point of obsessive and just below the rankings of pathetic and, yet, the search for closure has no shame. It’s like running around a group of people with your zipper down, exposing everything below the belt, and while you want to zip your pants up and cower in a corner, out of embarrassment, your hands are frozen, your eyes are set and your mouth can’t utter the words that your heart is dying to say: “Help me!” It’s like walking in a never ending circle with a blindfold over your eyes, restricting your vision, your heart, restricting your emotions and your soul, restricting your growth. The on-going cycle of finding a sense of peace, while standing in the dark, can be pretty amusing to the unassuming. Close your eyes and imagine the never ending circle you’re in and think about what you’d do to get out.

This is my daily routine.
Welcome to my world.

Before you start thinking I’m an overly dramatic, obsessed person let me take you to a time when I was far from the person I slowly turned into.

~Lauren Washington
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More on Suicide Diaries
When Lauren Washington's mother is mysteriously gunned down in their neighborhood, Lauren - a nine year old from Bankhead, Georgia - must quickly grow up and become the woman of her household. Early on, Lauren finds that not dealing with her pain is easier than actually doing so. It's only on the confidential white pages of her diary that Lauren feels free to spill the thoughts from her troubled mind. After finding a job in radio, which allows her to mask her true thoughts and become her on-air persona "Mystique," Lauren believes she's found the perfect blend of privacy and sanity. Today, at age 26, Lauren is one of the top rated deejays in Atlanta, and dangerously in love with her boyfriend of eight years, Brendan. From the outside, everything looks perfect. However when Lauren enlists the help of a private investigator to look into her mother's unsolved murder, strange things start happening. Her father is nervous, her best friends are acting out of character and Brendan begins to withdraw from her and ends up disrespecting her in the boldest way. With visions of her happiness shattering, Lauren scrambles to repair her relationship with Brendan. But, before apologies can be made, Brendan does the unthinkable and commits suicide. Lauren is left to deal with more than her heart or the pages of her diary can handle. Brendan's sneaky double life compels her to figure out who he really was and what the secrets, he died to keep from her, were. Suicide Diaries deals with betrayal beyond the grave and the disbelief and heartache that comes after a suicide. Moving on, once the dirt has been thrown on the coffin, will prove to be the hardest self-evaluation Lauren's ever experienced.


SUICIDE DIARIES can be order today at www.peaceinthestormpublishing.com. Learn more about Ebonee Monique at www.EboneeMonique.com!